is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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