Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
