i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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