dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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