Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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