Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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