areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
