And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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