Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
