Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
