Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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