how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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