Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
