Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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