Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
foreskin is a definite game changer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize