It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
