I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
