She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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