Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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