Me. At least after what I've been through.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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