i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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