i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
