now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
