Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
