Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She even gives head with a lisp.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
that is very illegal...i love you.
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