He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
