last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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