girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
