There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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