You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I did not marry a roomba.
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