I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
