these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
