Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
