Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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