hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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