Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
