Duck Duck Cougar?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize