That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
