franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have post one night stand depression
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
