He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize