Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
