No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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