I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
