omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
