totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
