He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
