i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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