Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
