I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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