I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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