just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
