walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
