I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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