Don't make out with my wife yet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
