I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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