I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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