So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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