sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
