The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize