She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
