He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
