my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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