Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who did Billy Mays play for?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
