The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
