Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Michael Bay diarrhea
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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