When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize